Birthday.

Thanks for the wonderful surprise party guys. =)

Not nineteen forever.

She’s had to peel me off the pavement
Trying to insinuate sometimes I’m in danger of going too far
Said would i like to go for tea and toast?Get your hand off my thigh
In the car she turned to me and said

You’re not nineteen forever, pull yourselves together
I know it seems strange but things they change
Older woman and a younger man
Both of them doing all they can

Trying to get your attention all night long
Asked you once, I asked you twice, asked you four times
If you’d like to dance to that song from
Down the stairs and then I followed you out in the rain
Nowhere to be found, never mind
You’ll probably never look that pretty again

You’re not nineteen forever pull yourselves together
I know it seems strange but things they change
Older woman and ever so slightly younger man
God bless the band, they’re doing all they can

You’re not nineteen forever pull yourselves together
I know it seems strange but things they change
Older woman and ever so slightly younger man
God bless the band, they’re doing all they can

You’re not nineteen forever
You’re not nineteen forever
You’re not nineteen forever
It’s not me, you’re definitely not clever

Trust.

Thinking about the task at hand sends adrenalin coursing through your body. It is a function of the brain, a phenomenon known as fight or flight. And even as you stare at your surroundings, you dont really see it. Again the brain takes over, generating its own set of images, which you observe with your mind's eye. Your heart beats faster, pumping blood to your very fingertips. You clench your fist, willing to release some of this built up energy, power. And you know you will. By the end of the ninety minutes, your body is spent. Energy sapped. And every single ounce of effort would have been exerted. But for what cause? For what grand reason? For it wouldn't matter if only half of the entire team pushes themselves 200 percent. For if one link is broken, the whole chain will come crashing down. So you ask yourself. Doubt creeps in. Is it really worth it? Is that same adrenalin flowing through the person sitting next to you? Are the same images being generated by his brain? For if he fails, you fail. And all this time, all this effort, would be nothing but a memory. A memory that one day, I will look back upon and cry.

Law intern.

My character and my habits have shown through this blog. Lack of updates. I'm a lazy guy. Or maybe I just dont have much going on in my life. Or maybe I just dont have time to blog about anything. Or maybe I just dont give a fuck. I think this blog has run its course.

Its actually kind of fun walking around the busiest place in Singapore during office hours, dressed up as a make believe lawyer. Actually feels kinda powerful. But being a lawyer is not as glamourous as its made out to be on tv. That is the message everyone has been trying to put across to us. Hours of tedious work, multiplied by 7 days a week, multiplied by 4 weeks a month, multiplied by 12 months a year, for the next 30 or 40 years. Now that doesnt sound so appealing does it? But you fight. For the law. For your client. You will change people's lives. You will affect them in many ways, and you can feel good about yourself at the end of the day. Or will you? It is then that the question of ethics come into play. Did you do what was right, or what was easy?

The final word seems to be : its not a proffession that promises big money with little amount of work, but it is personally satisfying. I reserve the right to edit that statement. And all other statements. =)

For me, personally, even after being exposed to all this law and career stuff, given hours of talk and being advised to make wise decisions, advised to study hard and work hard and develop discipline and work ethics to put a nest of ants to shame, I still come home, and dream about, football. Everyone talks about focussing on your passion and shit. But come on. My passion is football. I love it. Absolutely love it. When I find myself in a hard situation, I ask myself, who is Liverpool playing this weekend? Hahha. Its.. contradictory. I'm a confused boy. I think I need to grow up. Soon. But I'm only 18. Fuck growing up. I can grow up when I'm 40.

Japan, please be nice.

Mesmeriseeee.

There is something mesmerising about the heavy downpour in an empty primary school overshadowed by dark blue skies. I remember clearly back in 2001, the first time I remember seeing a sight like this. Around this time. 6.50pm. And everyone had left school, including me. My house has a nice view into the school. Back then it was under construction, but the roads were the same. I was alone at home, everyone else being at school or work. I was hungry. The house was dark. And there was no food. My mum would only be home in the next 3 hours. Dad lived in Malaysia. Brother living with my cousin. And sister would be home around the same time as my mum. And my only source of comfort had come just by looking at the rain. It was mesmerising back then too. I think it was only then that I truly realised how much I love rain. And even then I had wondered whether I would ever get to see this same sight in my lifetime again. I've always had, and always will have, the fear that I never get to experience something that I love again. Like that rain. That exact colour of the sky and the same feelings that it generates. I wonder when is the next time I will get to experience this.

In other news, I've been promoted! Not that its that big a deal. But I got 2 Bs for my papers so I'm pretty happy about that. Harry topped the class in GP! He deserves it, his essay's probably the highest in the level. Shit load of changes are going to happen next year, school-wise.

Failure.

I write on the eve of the promotional exercise, which will determine who promotes, who retains, and who gets kicked out. I'm not too fussed about it, because years of experience( you can laugh here ) has taught me that there really is no point doing anything now. We gave it our best shot and all we can do is wait for the outcome. However, it does remind me of my past failures. Its a very crude word, but is used carelessly. Its a harsh word. But I have replaced that word in my head. It is no longer failure, it is merely feedback. Every failure is feedback upon your performance. So use that feedback.

There is nothing like good old fashioned failure( your head should be thinking 'feedback' ) to kickstart a change. I think it was Winston Churchill who said to be perfect is to be constantly changing, and being able to adapt to those changes. Or some shit like that. But yeah. I think he's right. He thinks he's right too. =)

Next season begins now.

Finally. Exams are over. Promos have ended. Everyone I know has been waiting for this, but each one has their own reasons. These exams were means to build up my confidence! So that now I know i can do something when I put my mind to it. Felt good. Now to focus all that I am into another direction. Woooo. Football baby here I come.

Vicknesh, I could never go through what you're going through. I might die. And for this, among every other reason, I respect you. :)

I owe Harry a car. And I realised that school without Harry wouldnt be school at all. Hope you make it dude.

Welcome to the zone.

Its that time of the year again. The final stretch. The sprint. Wind in your hair and power in your movement. All you see is the finish line. Who knows whats beyond that. Who even cares. You've also forgotten the past. Forgotten what it took to get here. And it doesnt matter. All that matters is that you're here. And you're in this race whether you like it or not. There's no pulling out, you've already begun. There's no surrounding. No thing and no one else. Just you. And the finish line. Go big or go home.

Go big, and the rewards are glorious. Pressure and stress will be relieved, and then and only then can you move on to the next race. However, the alternative is a lifetime of regret. Insecurity that will forever plague your mind, affecting your confidence in even the smallest of matters. Resulting in your incompetence.

What was once a bright young mind, destined for greatness, is now nothing but a struggling piece of gray matter. Shackled by negativity, forever depressed by the thought that an intelligent man could never really attain the success he dreamed of.

Like air bubbles trapped in cement, the decisions we make in a moment haunt us for the rest of our lives.

Dont let the next decision you make haunt you forever.

Macdonalds.

I gotta fucking stop eating macs. So everytime I eat it, I'm going to document it here. In fact, I'm going to document everyday whether or not I ate macs. And I'll add in the studying thing. Since I'm apparently a genius in coming up with excuses for myself, I'm going to write every excuse I come up with here. Of course if i manage to stick to my schedule, then I'll be happy. Everything is going on here. Till promos at least.

So I ate macs for breakfast and for dinner today. I hope I dont die.

Tomorrow I will have to make econs notes, for the first half of national income. So macs may not have killed me, but I'm going to die anyway. Thank you econs.

Cant wait for promos to end. Everything's gonna change.

Disaster Button.

Today I scored a goal from near the halfway line! It was just outside the circle in the center of the field, but still a long way out. It was absolutely intentional. I saw the keeper off his line, and decided to go for it. I am so fucking happy you wouldnt believe it. Best goal I've ever scored, so far. So happy that I had to mention it here, cause I dont want to forget it. I played awesome. I played well. Today was a success. And we musnt forget our successes, however small. =)